OK, OK, I know that it has been far too long since my last post. With so many things going on it’s sometimes difficult to find time to write. First of all, we’re adopting two greyhounds. Their names are Chandler and Josie. Second, as a homeowner I find myself obsessing over every tiny imperfection in my front lawn, especially the most dreaded weed of all, crabgrass. At the same time, I’m trying to create a little curb appeal by completely renovating the previous owner’s sloppy attempt at landscape design. Last, and certainly least, I have the privilege of spending 45 hours per week strapped to my cheap, uncomfortable, sorry excuse for a company provided chair at work answering the phone all day. Ah, the joys of being a desk jockey. But rule #57 states, “no excuses, play like a champion.” So let’s get to it.
It’s only the first leg of the marathon baseball season, but the Phillies have already pulled up lame. Not only is their early poor performance typical, so too are the lines they continue to shove down our throats, “it’s early. We can come around. We have the talent, we just need to play to our potential.” We heard similar excuses from Larry Bowa before he was sacked. And now we’re hearing it from player friendly Pop Pop Manuel. It’s the same old song and dance. The bottom line is that the Phillies are underachievers.
Why do the Phils continue to be so unimpressive? There is one simple answer to that question and it can be broken down to the most uncomplicated of baseball terms, fundamentals. In the offseason, one of Pat Gillick’s priorities was to improve the baseball IQ of the Phillies. The solution our GM came up with was to hire a slew of assistant coaches to help out Charlie with the instructional aspect of the game. Now, I’m all for bringing in guys with great baseball minds and the ability to teach young players how to handle different game time situations. Where Gillick went wrong, however, is that these guys don’t know jack.
A prime example of their inability to teach the game is one of the biggest bonehead plays I have ever seen. In an early season series against the Mets, the Phillies were playing defense and forgot how many outs are in an inning. I’m not making this up, after the third out in the 6th inning, the Phils decided to stay on the field to get some extra infield practice rather than head to the dugout and prepare to bat. The Umps actually had to remind these major leaguers that the inning was over. Looks like Charlie and the gang can't even count to three.
Davy Lopes was supposed to be some sort of baserunning guru that was going to help J-Roll steal 50 bases and Shane Victorino at least 40. By the numbers, the top two guys in the batting order have stole some bases (J-Roll 10, Victorino 16). What those numbers don’t say is that Victorino arguably cost the team a game by trying to steal 3rd base with one out and Ryan Howard and Chase Utley due up (this was when Charlie was still experimenting with the batting order and Howard was batting third). Some of the early ill-advised steal attempts have decreased, but this one in particular sticks out as a very costly one.
Third base coach Steve Smith has cost the Phillies countless runs thus far, runs that could have meant the difference between a loss and a win. I don’t know who decided that this joker should be in charge of giving base runners the green light to head home from third base. His ineptitude was on display when he opted to send Michael Bourn from first to home on a hard hit double with no outs. Unfortunately, Bourn was hung out to dry as he was thrown out by a quarter mile. Even I know one of the cardinal sins to commit in baseball is that you should never commit the first or third out at third base. Appearently, Steve Smith never heard of such a rule. As my brother in law so succinctly put it, “When he sends them, they’re usually out by the length of a Cincinnati Bengal’s criminal record.” Well put, Michael. By the same token, he has held up runners when they easily could have scored. He has no ability to judge the speed of the base runner versus the range and arm of the opposing outfielders. Combine these flaws with the fact that he has a career managerial record in the minor leagues of 779-903 and the only logical conclusion is that he should be canned.
Defensive gaffes have also been extremely costly. Most recently in the Florida Marlins series, two mental mistakes may have cost the Phillies Brett Myers for an extended period of time. In game two of the series, after already surrendering two runs in the bottom of the ninth, the Phillies were clinging to a two run lead. The Marlins had a runner on third and the batter, Hanley Ramirez, lays down a bunt that goes directly to first baseman Gregg Dobbs. Rather than taking the sure out and letting the runner score, Dobbs decides to throw home. Myers proceeded to strike out two Fish and allow another on base. So with two on and two out, Aaron Boone hits shot over J Roll’s head and it one hops into the glove of leftfielder Jason Werth. As Ramirez is rounding third, Werth fires a perfect seed to home plate that gets to catcher Rod Barajas so that he haves enough time to order a Mocha Latte. Instead of blocking the plate low, Barajas stands up and leaves the five hole wide open for Ramirez to sneak through to tie the game. Even though Harry the K called him out three times, the umpire behind the plate correctly called him safe.
Barajas was so embarrassed by this horrible display of cowardice that he tried to cover up his blunder with a pointless argument with the ump. Supposedly, Steriod Slammin Sammy Sosa had run Rod over a few years ago so bad that it caused some physical (and mental) pain that still lingers. Well Rod, grow up and knock the cobwebs off. By no means does Hanley Ramirez pack the punch of a juiced up Sosa. If you want to play catcher in the major leagues, this is the type of play that you suck up and take, especially with the game on the line. If you ask Chris Coste to get trucked by Sosa and McGuire at the same time, he would gladly accept the opportunity. Coste is so hungry and eager to play in the big leagues that he would wash Gillick’s awful collection of vintage Hawaiian shirts for a year. What’s even more disturbing is that after the game when the team physicians are examining Myers, Barajas said that we can all laugh about that blunder and move on. Sorry buddy, but the Phils should be moving on without you. I’ll kiss your whopping 2.5M salary, .204 average, 2 HR and 5 RBI good bye and good riddance. Note to Gillick, trade this bum for whatever junk ball relief pitcher we can get, immediately!
What’s the point of completely overhauling the assistant coaching staff if they can’t get the most basic principles across to the players? How many outs are in an inning, when to steal a base, how to block the plate, where to throw the ball in different game situations, these are questions answered at the most elementary levels of baseball. Here’s a suggestion, send the entire managerial staff to a weeklong session of intensive Little League camp training. Or better yet, Pat Gillick should buy one of those instructional videos that the Crime Dog Fred McGriff endorses. Then make sure that every last coach has to sit through a continuous loop of the tape with their eyelids forced open. Either that, or fire the whole staff and start all over again. It may be the only solution to solving the fundamental flaw of this team.
Addendum: I loathe the Marlins. Hate is a word that is not strong enough to describe how much that I detest the Phillies rival from South Florida. They all have this brash low-class attitude that irks me to no end. The D-Train always jabs away at the umpires, even if his fastball is a foot off the plate. There’s no arguing the skill level of Miguel Cabrera, but he has that Bobby Abreu mentality where he looks to be on cruise control half the time. On top of that huge head of his is an awful Jeri curl that needs to go back to the days of Shaft. And they all wear their New Era caps with the straightest of brims. I think the equipment manager hand presses their hats with heavy starch every morning. Don’t get me wrong, I like my Polo Oxfords to be neatly ironed and creased, but not my baseball hats.
Most of all, I despise the fact that the Marlins have won two titles in their brief existence while the Phillies have one World Series Championship in their over 100 years of ineptitude. For all of these reasons, I wish the punchless rumble that ensued last night at Dolphin Stadium turned into an all out brawl much like in Anchorman when the competing news teams get into an all out blood bath in an alley. If a trident happened to land squarely in Ben Olsen’s chest, so be it. Sometimes these rivalries can escalate quickly from hate to all out carnage.
