Teen Wolf and The NFC Championship Game

The following is taken directly from email communications between my step-brother Dave and myself on a slow Friday afternoon at work. The impetus for this idea came from the Sports Guy, Bill Simmons. I have to say that I love his work and I find that his combination of sports, humor and pop culture is pure genius. This brand of commentary is completely different than your typical newspaper beat writer, radio show host, or talking head on national TV. It's original and creative, informative and hilarious. It's pretty much the insperation for what I attempt to call writing on this forum. I mean here's a guy who graduated from college (Holy Cross) with a degree in political science, tried his hand at a normal 9-5, then quit and worked at a bar, started a Boston sports blog that took off, parlayed that to a writing job with Jimmy Kimmel and now has his smiling face on the front page of ESPN.com everyday. OK, so maybe I have another man crush brewing. (Rafael Nadal being the previously mentioned beholder of my sports related affection.) I can't help it, he makes me laugh when I need it the most. Besides, maybe I can go from University of Delaware political science degree, to desk jockey, then have this blog blow up, pen a book about how great the Phillies 2008 World F-n Championship has been and write a bi-weekly page for the worldwide leader in sports. I

Enough with the gushing and far fetched dreaming. Let's get to how Dave and I link Teen Wolf to this Sunday's NFC Championship game.

The start of it all...quote taken from Winless, but not Witless, ESPN.com 1/16/09.

"The Harry Dunne Award for "Most Hellaciously Embarrassing Dump Ever Taken In a Big Game" Honorable mention to Mick in "Teen Wolf" for being unable to stop Michael J. Fox even though he was 15 years older than him and 8 inches taller, doling out three flagrants (including the worst clothesline in the history of sports movies), failing to intimidate Fox on the winning free throws even though he was mysteriously allowed to stand under the basket, then losing his hot blonde girlfriend immediately after the game.

(Note: Can you tell "Teen Wolf" has been on a lot lately? I can't stop mentioning it in columns. By the way, a reader pointed out No. 45's incredible performance on Fox's team and I looked for it on my third viewing of 2009 ... there's a good possibility No. 45 finished with 22 points, 25 rebounds and nine blocks without getting a single line of dialogue. Check it out next time it's on. He's like Tim Duncan in the 2003 Finals. Winnnnnnnnnn in the end! I'm gonna win in the end!!!!!!! Winnnnnnnnnnnn in the end! I'm gonna win in the ehhhhhhh-ennnnnnnnd!)"

My comment:

I love Teen Wolf, and even more so, I love that the sports guy is paying respect to a truly awesome piece of cinema. Although I'm surprised that he doesn't mention the countless editing errors during the basketball scenes (this was also a major flaw with Hoosiers. They must have replayed the scene where Buddy back tips one of the South Bend players then fires a quick pass to Jimmy for an easy lay up at least 3 times. That play and Bird's steal and dish to DJ are in competition for most replayed basketball scene ever.)

Showing the same rebound and put back play should not be counted twice for a player's stat line. I mean how many blocks did The Wolf actually average per game, 2 or 15? If I could show replay of me nailing a 3 pointer or making a no look pass for a layup during my corporate league games over and over I'd easily be averaging a triple double. Just call me Earl the Goat Manigualt.

Dave:

1. Any reference to the movie “Rebound” deserves some praise in my book
2. The shot from teen wolf I love is the redhead block from the back and throwing the ball right for the camera…followed by Michael j. fox dribbling the ball while looking at it then throwing up the worst looking layup you’d ever scene


Finally my thoughts for the weekend Teen Wolf style

1. “The Scott Howard steal, you know the one where steps in front and intercepts the pass, goes to Asante “All Day” Samuel for breaking the Cardinals hearts and taking a warner quick pass to avoid a sack interception to the house.

2. “The Mr. Howard making principal thorn pee his pants award goes to Dawkins as he delivers a shot to Fitzgerald, making him nervous to jump up with no regard for his own safety

3. The Boof award, for not being labeled as the sexiest, but most reliable to Buckhalter who will have a min of 10 attempts for 50 yards and a touchdown

4. The chunk award to Andy Reid for ballooning to 1,000 lbs to get to the big game ( I will not say the s word until its’ official)

5. The block shifting to transition bucket award to westbrook, who takes another screen pass to the house beating the overpursing Cardinal defense

Eagles 27, Cards 20

Me:

Great stuff, you never cease to impress. This is evidence that we need to be employed in sports in some fashion.

1. The Scott Howard's red eye stare scares the crap out of the liquor store owner for a keg award...Brent Celek for his multi colored contact lenses. Let's be honest, LJ Smith has lived up to his name, and that's not a good thing if your name is "Little John." Brent Celek has become the new Chad Lewis, a dependable target for McNabb in short yardage end zone situations. I have to toot my own horn (toot, toot!) here as I predicted this last week. You might say that I can't pick the same guy 2 weeks in a row. Well, my response would be that no one else on the team has red eyes, so there.

2. The "get me some salt" for my hard boiled egg award...goes to Kurt Warner. If anyone ever looked like a defensive coordinator it's Jim Johnson. He's going to dial up some serious pressure to confuse the young Cardinals O-line. So much so that Warner's going to need to hit the smelling salts on several occassion to remember where he is and how many turnovers he's committed. He may end up thinking that he's back in Iowa bagging groceries and getting beat down nightly by his scary wife for not using reusable bags.

3. The where did all this chest hair come from award...goes to John Runyan for starting in his 212th consecutive game while wearing a man sweater. All jokes aside, he's been a rock at right tackle for what seems like forever. Can you even remember who played RT before we got him as a free agent from Tennessee? Answer: Lonnie Palelei started 12 games for Eagles in 1999. Thanks to pro-football-reference.com.

4. The "Sargeant, burn down the fields and when you're down with that burn the house too award"...goes to Brian Dawkins. The wolverine will "wolf out" and extoll massive damage to all of the Cardinals who dare go across the middle. All of this carnage will cause Larry Fitzgerald's, Edgerrin James' and Tim Hightower's long stupid dreads to spontaneously catch fire.

5. The Big Bad Wolf Dance Scene award...goes to Donovan McNabb as leads the team to victory and has everyone do the moonwalk in the endzone after the game. Then during the award ceremony, McNabb slow dances with Andy Reid and Joe Buck's head blows off.

Dave:

Simply brilliant! I can’t believe I missed the wolverine and Teen Wolf Dawkins reference. Shame on me…

Now I will cast the Eagles 2008 squad using teen wolf and hoosiers

1. Brian Dawins: Teen Wolf
2. Desean Jackson: Styles
3. Brian Westbrook: Jimmy Chitwood
4. Andy Reid: Chubby
5. John Runyan: Mr. Howard
6. Jimmy Johnson: Norman Dale
7. Joe Buck: The dude from Hoosiers who was also a pitcher in Major League (Jobu needs a refill)
8. Troy Aikmen: Mick (he knows all he he has over mcnabb are SB victories)
9. Shooter: L.J. smith…when he comes to play he gets good 3rd down catches….when he doesn’t he needs to be submersed in water to wake up
10. Ollie: Q. Mikeal the guy came from humble means to finally give Dawkins a strong safety that he can rely on
11. D Mac: Scott Howard

Finally, my brother Brian keenly pointed out that Dave and I have too much time on our hands since we came up with all of this commentary while at work. What Brian didn't say is that Dave and I are passionate about Michael J. Fox movies and the Philadelphia Eagles. And I wish I had a job like the Sports Guy.

Just in case it's not already in your head....Winnnnnnnnnn in the end! I'm gonna win in the end!!!!!!! Winnnnnnnnnnnn in the end! I'm gonna win in the ehhhhhhh-ennnnnnnnd!